I have changed
Heartache, is the hardest and biggest part of my life, coz love is the only world that I used to believe that I have…
There’s nothing more I could ask for if I found my soul mate coz of happiness from that is the only thing that I want; nothing compares to the pain if he breaks your heart; and no one can take away the feeling of love but a new one…
But the day that he left me was so impossible, though I cried and depressed, I accepted the fact. I realized that I have to move on and accept it, that the best thing,
Not the way that I used to…
“Two (2) years ago, I locked myself inside my room; I was crying, shouting, cursing, hitting myself and trying to kill my body and the pain; writing and sketching my nightmare of awakens and expressing the pain visibly.; listening to anti-Christ songs, that will let me forget everything; keep questioning God and destiny why was that kind of pain is happening, why don’t them let me be happy. Even self-pity accompany me, I hated myself and my life…
I even fought with my friends, I thought they can’t understand me, so they hated me and call me a brat. I did not care, I thought I don’t need friends; I can live without them…
I can’t sleep; I used to depend to sleeping medicine to get a sleep and to forget the world for a while…
But every time I woke up, it’s still the same; I still have the pains that keeping me hating the world. No one was with me, even family, they don’t understand me, they just want to see what they want me to see. I HATE THEM ALL! I want to die; I want to go somewhere where no one is around; I want to end this all! …”
I was left alone for 3 months found new places and faces. But they are not worth to be called friends, even to be my family. Honestly, no one can replace the old ones. I found out that they are still my friends no matter what, I missed them so much. That was our Christmas party when we meet all together and we say sorry and hug each other. I felt good to be back to my family, my friends.
I’m so happy that all that damn thinking is over, though there’s still a point or moment in my life that I still thinking about that kind of solution at least I’m overcoming that for a moment. I can’t say that I’m already contented and perfectly happy but I’m definitely appreciating everything that’s happening to me as part of God’s test and obstacles for my success. In God’s time everything will be on the right place, IN GOD`S TIME!
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